It's a sad and happy time right now, sitting here with my 3 year old niece. She is so beautiful and full of God. I pray my family will see it and see how close their salvation is.

real salvation.

I pray that for us all, that we will grab onto the truth of Jesus Christ, of God and of how much He SERIOUSLY loves us and died and has been aching at us since the beginning.

Ephesians is good.

I am thankful for the group of people God has put me here with.
It's hard sometimes, but so what?
It's worth it. Hard is only an illusion, anyway.
I've been thinking about what the point of this time is..
Why I am here, what I am to do, blah blah blah.
God's been showing me that it is not about me and wherever I am and whenever that is, HE is the purpose of it.
Not for MY healing, although it is often a byproduct. Not for MY relationships, although HE uses them and directs them, and when they are focused on Him they work out well. Not for anything about me. My life is His.

Tonight at church I was thinking, again.. The series we are going through has made me really think, and of course I will not ask questions or speak up. But anyway . . I've really been wondering what am I doing!? Am I really serving Christ in EVERYTHING I do? If not, why? and who? and how often? It's not okay for this to be going on! And my solution? TRY HARDER, DO MORE, THINK MORE. Wrong.

I can't save myself and God cannot love me more if I strive.
What I can do . .
Surrender.
Accept Jesus as Lord and Savior and go forward.

The daily battles will be there, and HE will be there.

you
have
placed
my
feet
on
a
wide
path

i
have
not
yet
slipped.

Everyday is another step closer to Christ. I can just feel it within me. Handing over everything. Someone or something was talking about how in other countries when people accept Christ they leave EVERYTHING. Their lives, their family, their job, everything. Because they literally cannot serve those two masters. I want to be like that. Not serving the world or myself or my fears.

Sitting here, crying, listening to Jon Foreman, waiting to get a ride to see a beautiful young girl who needs a whole lot of love. WHY AM I SO ADDICTED TO ME?

THIS IS KILLING ME.

Would you create in me
a clean heart,
O God.
RESTORE IN ME THE JOY OF YOUR SALVATION.

God, why are you so loving and passionate for us when we run and listen to the lies and try to mess up everything you are doing? I do not understand. Please help me. Love Lisa.

all of our problems come down to one conclusion:
"I am addicted to me".
Thanks Pema

I am addicted to that place in the afternoon. It's become a habit for me, and that is why it is so hard.
That is why it is so easy to melt down and sit in the corner and miss everything.
I spend all the energy on what is not even real.
Fantasy, illusion, it's so addictive.

My life is up here, in my head, and not down here, in reality. Not fully present in the moment right now.

We are addicts to our heads.